Thursday, July 9, 2009


Okay people! I have GOT to tell you about this delima that I have and have had for years. This gut wrenching FEAR that I have to deal with every year at this time! I have had it since far back as I can remember. It's not natural to be this afraid of something but I am!!!!

Know what it is???

It is those BIG BLACK CRUNCHY GRASSHOPPERS WITH YELLOW OR RED MARKS ON THEM!! I ain't even lyin! If one of those grasshoppers is between me and the door....I'm going in another way! Another door, a window, I don't care, but I'm not walking past it! I have even left the house and gone somewhere to give the grasshopper time to move on, and then come back home and go in! Because, seriously, if one of those things TOUCHES me, I am dead on the ground!

They come out this time EVERY year! I have been waiting....I knew they were coming....I knew it was time! Well.......THEY ARE HERE!!

Yesterday, I went out side to blow off my sidewalk and water my plants on my porch. I bend over to get the hose and I came nose to nose with one! I just about wet my pants and I am NOT exaggerating! I screamed at the top of my lungs and just took off out into the yard! Well, of course Steve wasn't home yet, so I have no one to protect me!! So I get the bright idea that I will blow that little hummer out of my plant with the leaf blower.

I go and get it and I am all jumpy as I am walking through the yard, cos' I know where there is one, there are thousands! I get the leaf blower go back and turn that hummer on full blast and point it directly at that DEMON!

Well, he just hangs on baby! He don't blow nowhere!! I think I hear him snickering at me as he is chewing on my plant!

So...I wait for Steve to get home. When he arrives I meet him at the car and with my whiny voice I tell him the grasshoppers are back and there is one in my plant on the front porch and he has to get it cos' I can't water and it won't let go and I'm scared!

He starts laughing because he knows ALL ABOUT my terror of these creatures! He picks up a water wand (so he can squish the grasshopper) and goes to the front porch. I point where it was last seen in my plant and he just picks up the pot and sticks his head all down in there looking for the bug and I am just freaking out cos; if it jumps out on him, I am going to LOSE IT!!! I will be dead by association! Well, he spots it on the monkey grass and he steps on it which just gives me chills and I of course have to just scream. I make him hand me the hose and turn it on, and then I see another one of my plants MOVING! There's another one in there!!! So he draws back with the water wand like he is Tiger Woods or something and I realize he is going to "hit" it out of my plant. I take off running out in the yard and turn around just in time to see the FLIPPIN GRASSHOPPER airborne and headed right for me!

I don't even need to tell you what happened next! I could feel the wind from that THING as it went past my head from the velocity with which Steve had hit it! At this point I am screaming even louder and telling Steve he almost hit me with that THING!!! He is all proud cos' when it hits the ground it is dead. I told him if that grasshopper had hit me in the head, my cold dead carcass would have been lying out on the front lawn and he would be calling the funeral home to come and remove me! He would have a heck of a time explaining the "cause of death" to our friends and family!

He killed about 10 more after that and it became a game to him to find them. PLUS they are eating my plants like you would not believe!

After all of the screaming and commotion that had been going on in our front yard, I walked over to the driveway and looked up at our neighbors house and they were all standing there looking down at our house. It dawned on me what they must have been hearing during the grasshopper melee!

It went something like this:

Oh my Gosh!! Kill it! Kill it!
Steven, you almost hit me with that!!
There's another one!! Get It!!
I HATE THOSE! Oh My Gosh!!
Get your head out of that!
You just almost had to call the funeral home mister!

Yep, we have quite the reputation in the neighborhood....

I'm going to Lowe's at lunch....for poison!


  1. Hi Lou Cinda,
    You're a gifted storyteller! You had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. We have a long tradition of storytelling here in the South, don't we?

    Thanks for the nice comment you left for me. Just let me know when you're coming for a visit, OK? I'll thaw the shrimp and chill some bubbly!

    Bill @ Affordable Accoutrements

  2. Oh.My.Goodness. I am sitting here DYING laughing at your tale....sorry, I know it wasn't funny to you, but I can just SEE you running around hollerin' like that!

    I hope you get some good poison and you don't have to worry about them demon grasshoppers any more!


    Robin :o)

  3. Oh my gosh.. I'm so sorry for your fear ..I really really am.. but I'm crying from laughter. I was dying with each and every sentence. I'm sure y'all were a sight.. I get many a laughs from my neighbors.. as do they from me. My husband is Mr Wildlife Nature Man .. so I've had to adapt to way too many things I fear.. but there's no compromising when it comes to big ole bugs or snakes.. I won't em dead.. not just gone lol.
    Thanks so much for that gut wrenching laughter.. I so needed that today!

  4. All of that and you didn't take one single picture to share. Oh, I do remember those grasshoppers, and I don't like them one single bit. In fact, I'm not much for any kind of bug.

  5. Sorry, but it is so funny that it is hard to feel sympathy! You are hilarious! I hope the little beasts will soon be gone! Linda

  6. I am sorry you feel that way, but you made me laugh so hard!

    Have a great day!

  7. You are SO funny! I know it's not funny when you feel that way about something, but I can't help it- you are too funny! laurie

  8. LOLOLOL! Oh, what a hoot! Girl, I can so identify, and I can just that scene of him sending that thing near your head. I hate them, too, and get the heebies when they get within spitting distance!


    Sheila :-)

  9. At least they didn't call the police to come out for a marital dispute! Where are the photos? I want photos!!! Not of the dead hoppers but of you doing the St. Vida's day dance on the front lawn! That is just how my daughter feels about lizards and how I do about one of my neighbors!

  10. LMAO Lou Cinda! Reminds me of myself about cockroaches!

  11. Yikes!! We need a picture of these grasshoppers. I know you can't take it (if your fear is anything like mine and cockroaches), but could your hubby? I can't picture it, so I need to see it!

  12. Hi Lou Cinda, just stopping by to thank you for the sweet prayers !

    Love this grasshopper story !

  13. That is exactly how I would react if it had been a snake! Funny story, but nothing funny 'bout fear!!!
    I followed you here from the AL bloggers site. I am in Tallapoosa Cty. @ Lake Martin.

  14. Hello! I went to the site you left and it says it is down right now. I can't wait to see the mirror! Perhaps once I see it we will be able to get a better idea of what size you might like.

  15. Dear Lou, we are not laughing at you (too much)
    That is so funny! Too bad you weren't wearing your stilettos. You could have impaled it right in place. No, maybe not. Another one might have crawled into that shoe, and then you would no longer be with us. Dear heart I could not bear not having you around to make me smile.

    XO Sue

  16. LOUCINDA...If you'd been in ATLANTA over the weekend at the Scott's Show you wouldn't have this hideous little problem...You missed a good one! I expect to see at 6' of you next month...happy killing! ox lulu

  17. I was on the edge of my seat with every word! Be brave!!


  18. OH MY!!!! I'll be laughing about this for days, now! How funny!!! Not that you were afraid..cause I understand fear..but the way you told this story. lol ;) Nancy

  19. Hi Lou Cinda, Sorry about the bugs, I am with you, Yuck!!! I wanted to thank you for dropping by Marty's met monday post and the kind comment you left, I really appreciate it, Thank You, Kathysue

  20. Thanks again for the prayers. And watch out for those crunchy grasshoppers ! LOL.

  21. Good for you and your boys to have found such a wonderful man! I pray for many, many more years for the both of you.
    As far as the mirror I am going to twin's on friday. We need to figure out what size will be best. You don't want it too big but yet enough to make a statment. If you know what size ya want let us know. The Twins


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