Seth came and told me on Tuesday that he had been invited on an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas with a friend and her parents. They were leaving Friday (today). While I was really excited for him, I was also sad...The biggest place I have taken him I guess was Disney World. I was a single mom for several years up until 4 years ago. I told him Vegas might trump Mickey Mouse! He said no, Disney is still his favorite place of a million dreams. Seth has never flown before...
So...I sort of put it out of my mind cos' that's what I do when I worry about things, I just don't let myself think about them. Then yesterday I thought Dear Heaven!! He is leaving in the morning for Las Vegas......without me!!! I sort of went into some sort of tail spin mode called and asked him if he had clothes washed, suitcase out, etc. Yes, mom, it is all under control.
I come home look in the washer and there are about 2 shirts, one pair of underwear and some jeans. NOT ENOUGH! So, I start washing and pulling stuff together and just really trying to occupy my brain so I still don't have to think about him being on a plane...in the air....WITHOUT ME, after all, I have always been there to keep him safe, and kiss his boo boos and brush his hair out of his eyes and watch out for mean people. Always....
I called the family he is going with last night and spoke with Phil, (the dad) whom Seth is crazy about. He gave me the itinerary, staying at Ceasar's Palace in a suite, eating at Palazzio tonight, shopping tomorrow, eating at Nobu tomorrow night, third row seats to see Chelsea Handler, VIP passes, whatever on Sunday. I WANT TO GO!!! He will have a blast!! He is 19, he is grown, he is pulling away....I am STILL hanging on his leg!
So this morning he gets up at 5:00. I set my alarm too. I get up and he is in the kitchen and I ask "are you up?" DUH!! Yes, mom. He gets in the shower and I sit on th couch and wonder how in the world he got this big!! How did this happen!! He gets out of the shower and I am asking him, did you pack this, did you pack that, did you get your phone charger, your flip flops, your billfold, your toothbrush, your razor? Please shave Seth!! Yes, mom. He kisses me goodbye, tells me he loves me and....he drives away....WITHOUT ME!!
I just sat down and cried like a baby! I do not do the letting go well at all!!! NOT AT ALL!!!
He texts me when he gets on the plane and says, "This is the smallest plane I have ever seen."
CRAP, (I think)!! So I text back and say, "how many seats on either side of the aisle?" Two he says, this is a 50 passenger plane!! CRAP!! I am thinking TURBULANCE!! I HATE turbulance! I have hung on to many a stranger sitting next to me in a plane going through TURBULANCE! I wanted him to be on a BIG plane with WIDE aisles, lots of leg room, movies! Instead he is on a flippin CROP DUSTER!! I text back, "that is okay, it will be fun."
He texts again "there are some sketchy looking characters on this plan." CRAP!! Terrorists!! Dear Heaven he is on a crop duster with terrorists!!! I say more prayers, then text back "befriend them." He thought that was funny.
So, the last time I text him he didn't answer. He is in the sky. Way up high in the sky in a crop duster with potential terrorists! WITHOUT ME!!! He will call me when he lands in Denver where they switch planes and then he will call me when he gets to Vegas.
In the meantime, on my lunch hour I am going to go to Hobby Lobby and buy me some EXTRA STRENGTH BINDING TAPE cos' I am going to have to reinforce those apron strings.......
I do not do letting go....I'm against it......BIG TIME!
~~Update~~Seth has landed safely in Denver. They have an hour layover and then they will fly into Vegas ~ This has been a looooong morning for me! But he is safe :)
~~Another Update ~~ Seth is in Vegas..safe and sound :) Let the games begin! (He can't gamble, he's not 21)
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awwwwwww Lou Cinda, I know it is hard. But think about what a great time he is going to have. He is going to get to experience such amazing things! He will have a blast, and he will be fine. Whatever you do, do not go see The Hangover while he is gone ;-)
ReplyDeleteI have never posted on your blog before.
ReplyDeleteI am a single mother with three children... all now grown. I then raised my grandson... all grow now. He got married last Saturday. Letting go of him was just as hard, if not harder than letting go of my children. I would give you a hankie and a hug if I could.
I keep an apron on most of the time, but it dosen't stay tied too tight. Good luck with the extra strength binding tape... :)
"LALALALALA" I can't hear you......
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to think about my little man going somewhere without me! It crushes my soul to leave him when I go to work, I can't imagine him getting on a plane with someone other than me!
Praying that Seth has a safe and fantastic journey!!
{{HUGS}}
Robin :o)
You know that I know it never gets any better until they get married. Then you can hand over a little of the worry to the interloper.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate Lou Cinda- My boys are 26 and 24 now, neither married, both extreme adventuriest, and I am 47 and grey from the love of them!
ReplyDeleteblessings
mary
Lou Cinda, my oldest melonhead is 37 and I still worry about him. He's taken his family to Florida on vacation and I worried the whole time they were on the road. Now I am worrying about sharks, jellyfish, etc. and don't even get me started on Jenn! I'd love to be able to tell you it gets easier, but any hope of that went away the day they were born!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Mom...that's what martinis are for!
Debbie
Lou Cinda,
ReplyDeleteEvery word you wrote echoed in my head because I went through all of those emotions myself (and still do). I think we almost become irrational and so I learned what you did, I put the worry out of my mind. And I am getting a little better at it. But I see disaster everywhere and I give my kids so many reminders and warnings so repetatively, that I think most of it has sunk in!!
I am trying to let go. At least I am going to look like I am letting go because I don't want them to think I am a weak little baby. I am strong, level headed Mom, always there in a crisis, handling things smoothly. But in my heart and probably alone in my room, I will be crying, at least until I get used to it.
A beautifully written post that so many of us can identify with. I wish you inner peace and I wish Seth a great time and safe trip home...
xoxo
Jane
I'm so glad no one is around me when I read your blog...they will have me committed for laughing hysterically!
ReplyDeleteYou always seem to make a major life event funny...that's such an awesome quality you have. It's amazing how you can make something funny...even when tears are involved.
Letting go is hard. It's a part of motherhood and you've obviously done a wonderful job. Sit back and wait for him to come home and enjoy his enthusiasm when he tells you all about his trip.
(I am sure he is missing you too!)
everything vintage
Oh Lou Cindy, this was such a well-written and funny post. Funny because I remember those feelings all too well, and you expressed them so fabulously. It's amazing how our imaginations can run away with us when our children are venturing out without us. We know, in our heads, that it would be unhealthy for a child to not want to venture from home, but in our hearts, we wish it wasn't true. laurie
ReplyDeleteI'm breathing into a paper bag on your behalf. Okay, maybe a little bit on my own behalf since I'm hyperventilating thinking that this will happen to me one of these days in my future.
ReplyDeleteBut no, really, the bag is for you. One two, one two. In... out... in...
Ha ha what a sweet post!!! It is so hard to let go.... the only difference for me is I am preoccupied with the grandkids, so I don't worry about my kids as much, well...... sometimes I worry about ALL of them!!!! Never really ends, sorry:)
ReplyDeleteGreat story though!!!
Happy Sunday
Lou Cinda, you really made a cute and very funny post out of a poignant episode. You had me smiling, and yet nostalgic. Should I tell you now that things will get a little better? Uh, but then they marry and have kids, and then you have all of them to worry about. Our 2 kids have added 2 spouses and 6 children, so that makes 10! You will do a lot of praying! Blessings to you. Linda
ReplyDeleteLou Cinda...
ReplyDeleteI am sending you a great big hug today. Even though this is really hard on you, I love the way you have of making it a humorous read, too. Still, I'm hugging you tight in my heart. Go out and spend some money and do something FUN! You deserve it, lady!
XO,
Sheila... who has missed you during my captivity! ;-)
Praying for you today! Know that God is in control. Of you and the Seth. He has his hand all over this! I pray Seth has the time of his life, but not to top Disney! I pray God eases your mama heart! But in a few years when mine are in the same stop, please remind me of the things I have said to you, because I will sitting on the couch like you, bawling!!! Love ya!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to let go! We just love them so much. Fran's kids call her Smother!!
ReplyDeleteWe just got back from vaction. What size M do you want and what color?
So HARD!!! I agree.. take your mind off it and go shopping! Hugs!!
ReplyDelete